In My Rose Garden
In My Rose Garden is an uplifting blog to encourage and inspire people who have gone through serious medical procedures, such as amputation, mastectomy or lumpectomy, and life-changing diagnoses, such as cancer or strokes. They are on the way to recovery but the road ahead is uncertain and scary.
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Medical trauma can leave you feeling voiceless. You didn’t choose the earth-shattering diagnoses – you had a stroke, you have cancer, you need an amputation – you could die. Medical personnel speak in their terminology, and you feel lost. Suddenly, you don’t seem to understand the meaning of common words, and the world becomes an overwhelming, too-loud place.
Others seem to develop the urge to fill silence with words, while you long to hear the comforting voice of God. They give unsolicited advice and talk about other people’s experiences as if they have first-hand knowledge. Silence becomes your friend and foe. You may feel like you are not yourself anymore, caught in a cruel dream that dawn will eventually erase.
What is happening to you? Your thoughts rush through your mind at lightning speed, yet you feel empty. The storm of intense emotions floods everything you thought you knew about life, coping, and faith. The side effects of medication flood your body, raging through every system. Sleep becomes a stranger. Somehow, you gasp for air and purposefully breathe one breath after another - putting one foot in front of the other - with a shallow, weak smile.
This is not a magic breakthrough because you feel you are not yourself anymore and don’t know how to fix this. There is no quick fix, and you don’t even know how to try. What is your identity now? Are you a victim who fell flat on your face in a pool of pain, or are you a survivor who will find the strength to rise once more? Are you a faith warrior or an emotional cripple burdened with worry and anger?
You realise you are alive like the sun breaks through the clouds on a stormy day. You have come this far, and although it seems easier to die than to live, being alive becomes more important than ever. You see your loved ones through new eyes and appreciate their love more deeply than before.
Dealing with people can be the hardest part of getting back on your feet. Choose the champions closest to you carefully. They can break your spirit or raise your arms. They will help you take one step at a time and get through this one way or another.
You might feel you have little faith and strength to go on, but you will find the courage to continue even when your strength is small. You only need faith as little as a mustard seed, and God will carry you through this time.
Talk to God, your Maker, about everything. Thank Him for the blessings you are aware of and pour your emotions out in prayer. He gives you the Holy Spirit as your Comforter during this time. When you are overwhelmed and don’t know what to think or pray, read your Bible. Let His Word be an anchor in this storm. Hold on to your faith with everything in you!
Although this journey is not easy, you are much stronger than you ever imagined. At the same time, you are not alone because I am just a phone call away. I can support you on your journey. You can make an online or in-person counselling appointment 24/7.
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Supporting A Loved One 101
Supporting a loved one who is ill is a new and precious part of your relationship. As you embark on a road trip to wholeness, you will grow with that person.
Your love and kindness are the most precious gifts you can give them every day. You don’t have to have answers. You don’t have to make stupid jokes to lighten up the atmosphere. You don’t need to throw a temper tantrum and question God’s existence.
Ask what they would like to talk about. Ask if you can pray with them or read for them. Ask if it is okay to be quiet together. Give little choices back. Create patches of normality.
Your love and kindness are the most precious gifts you can give in a numbing time riddled with pain and fear. There is no regret in kindness and sharing your love in this painful season.
If you feel helpless or stuck I invite you to contact me and make an online or in-person appointment today!
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Medical Trauma
Medical traumatic stress encompasses a spectrum of psychological and physical reactions experienced by patients and their loved ones in response to pain, injury, serious illness, medical procedures, and unsettling treatment encounters. It's the deeply personal aftermath that unfolds, triggering a cascade of complex negative emotions and physiological responses.
The symptoms of medical trauma can manifest in various forms and intensities, including:
- A dread of medical environments or personnel
- Physical discomforts like pain, sweating, or nausea
- Persistent negative thoughts revolving around the traumatic experience
- Emotional detachment and avoidance of certain situations
- Feelings of agitation, anger, anxiety, depression, or tearfulness
- A pervasive sense of helplessness and invisibility
This reaction can stem from the overwhelming stress preceding or following a challenging diagnosis, procedure, or treatment. Our hectic lifestyles often compound the issue, leaving little time for proper emotional processing alongside physical recovery.
I understand that every patient's deepest fears revolve around feeling dehumanized and losing control. In my counselling practice, I provide a safe haven for you to share your experiences, feelings, and concerns openly. Here is no preconceived judgment, and there are no rigid expectations or deadlines dictating your healing journey.
When I explain medical trauma, I am grateful for all the wonderful medical personnel and caregivers who step up to assist patients in these adverse circumstances. These helpers are like angels who try to make sense of symptoms, words and visual signs to offer the best of their abilities. They are the people who walk in when others would rather hide or walk out. Medical personnel often suffer from vicarious trauma because they are human too.
Together, we work towards lightening the emotional load by addressing unwanted feelings and learning to direct the inevitable ebbs and flows. We also look at the burdensome expectations and labels imposed upon you without your consent, empowering you to reclaim your story and sense of belonging.
So, let us walk this path together, knowing that amidst life's challenges, there is always room to bloom. Together, we can transform pain into resilience, darkness into light, and thorns into roses. Welcome to a space where your story is not just heard but cherished—a sanctuary where you can bloom unapologetically amidst the thorns.
Blessings
Dr Barbara Louw
Make an appointment today – online or in person.
This article is available in Afrikaans: Mediese Trauma In 'n Neutedop in Hallo Nadia Webjoernaal
Another article is Medical Trauma Leaves You Feeling Voiceless
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Supporting A Loved One 101
Sometimes silence is welcome.
The trauma of an adverse medical diagnosis such as cancer brings an awkward wordlessness because it feels like there are no words to describe what happened. There are not enough words to describe what is on in one’s mind, emotions or body. In a single moment, life changes forever. It feels like the world stopped turning.
Words like life, change and health have new meanings or no known meaning at all. The numbness and feeling overwhelmed last longer than anyone could ever imagine. It can last days, weeks or months. They become unwelcome companions that come and go all the time. Every time they come back, they bring more huge emotions like anxiety, fear, anger and frustration.
Silence is welcome because sometimes you need to sit with your loved one in silence. It is the best way to be with them, so they are not alone in their quest to find words. You don’t have to have all the answers. Old clichés will only enhance feelings of shame, fear and guilt. You don’t need to fill the quietness with empty words or silly jokes. Your silent prayer is the most powerful gift you can bring to the situation.
Blessings
Dr Barbara Louw
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