In My Rose Garden
In My Rose Garden is an uplifting blog to encourage and inspire people who have gone through serious medical procedures, such as amputation, mastectomy or lumpectomy, and life-changing diagnoses, such as cancer or strokes. They are on the way to recovery but the road ahead is uncertain and scary.
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Trauma is not a diagnosis, but an invisible wound. Experiencing emotional turmoil after receiving a life-threatening diagnosis creates an intense sense of danger and leaves a lasting scar. This profound emotional wound constitutes trauma. Enduring pain is a natural part of being human, and our resilience helps us navigate trauma over time. A wise counsellor can assist you through the difficult days. There is always hope.
Although this journey is difficult, you are much stronger than ever imagined. At the same time, you are not alone because I am just a phone call away. I can support you on your journey. You can make an online or in-person counselling appointment 24/7.
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Managing Your Experience of Medical Trauma Step 1
No pain is insignificant. Suffering is universal.
Many people are too quick to say that “no matter what you are going through, someone has it worse” or “there is always somebody with bigger problems”. This is emotionally dismissive and gives the message that your struggles are insignificant and that you are overreacting. If you start to feel unheard and rejected the only way to cope is to refuse to cry for help because you try not to burden others with your pain.
Many people might indeed experience worse trauma and post-traumatic reactions, but my concern is, how is the situation affecting you?
The first most difficult step is to acknowledge the pain and the second is to muster the strength to reach out for help. Finding more information about your experience helps you to use learning as an art to turn information into insight.
Here are a few practical steps to mitigate the impact of the overwhelming feelings of Medical Trauma when you have to visit a medical professional like a doctor, specialist, oncologist or physiotherapist.
Prepare to spend a lot of time in the waiting area:
- Load your favourite music on your phone and take earphones.
- Something to drink – water.
- Something to soothe a dry throat.
- A snack.
- Tissues and wet wipes for unforeseen situations.
- A few extra plasters.
- Your favourite book.
- Your notebook.
Prepare for your conversation with the doctor by making notes of the following:
- Write down your questions.
- Prepare a timeline of the pain that you experience.
- Make a list of all the medications and supplements you are taking.
- Make a list of your symptoms. Be specific.
- Take a friend or family member with you to help you fill in the blanks. This visit will be an overwhelming experience and you will not be able to grasp all the information.
- You can ask for more information and a second opinion.
During your visit:
- Be kind and courteous. A medical professional is a human being who chooses a career to make a difference and help people.
- Treat the people at reception nicely. Although your visit is about you and your health a smile goes a long way to lighten up everyone’s life.
- Use your notes to guide your questions and feedback. This will assist you to remember and share vital information.
- Be specific and honest.
- Use your words to describe your unique health experience and don’t assume the doctor will “automatically know” what you are going through.
- Listen and ask questions if something is unclear or concerning.
- Ask your companion to take notes.
- Feel free to discuss your long-term treatment plan, as well as the side effects of medication.
Although adverse medical conditions, like cancer and strokes, hurt the hearts of the people who help you fight from the sidelines, they care about you. You are in a situation like no one else and you are precious and special.
If you're feeling lost, remember that The Good Shepherd will leave a flock of sheep to seek out you, the lost lamb. You are precious in the eyes of God.
So, let us walk this path together, knowing that amidst life's challenges, there is always room to find hope and peace.
Blessings
Dr Barbara Louw
Make an appointment today – online or in person in Pretoria.
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Medical trauma can leave you feeling voiceless. You didn’t choose the earth-shattering diagnoses – you had a stroke, you have cancer, you need an amputation – you could die. Medical personnel speak in their terminology, and you feel lost. Suddenly, you don’t seem to understand the meaning of common words, and the world becomes an overwhelming, too-loud place.
Others seem to develop the urge to fill silence with words, while you long to hear the comforting voice of God. They give unsolicited advice and talk about other people’s experiences as if they have first-hand knowledge. Silence becomes your friend and foe. You may feel like you are not yourself anymore, caught in a cruel dream that dawn will eventually erase.
What is happening to you? Your thoughts rush through your mind at lightning speed, yet you feel empty. The storm of intense emotions floods everything you thought you knew about life, coping, and faith. The side effects of medication flood your body, raging through every system. Sleep becomes a stranger. Somehow, you gasp for air and purposefully breathe one breath after another - putting one foot in front of the other - with a shallow, weak smile.
This is not a magic breakthrough because you feel you are not yourself anymore and don’t know how to fix this. There is no quick fix, and you don’t even know how to try. What is your identity now? Are you a victim who fell flat on your face in a pool of pain, or are you a survivor who will find the strength to rise once more? Are you a faith warrior or an emotional cripple burdened with worry and anger?
You realise you are alive like the sun breaks through the clouds on a stormy day. You have come this far, and although it seems easier to die than to live, being alive becomes more important than ever. You see your loved ones through new eyes and appreciate their love more deeply than before.
Dealing with people can be the hardest part of getting back on your feet. Choose the champions closest to you carefully. They can break your spirit or raise your arms. They will help you take one step at a time and get through this one way or another.
You might feel you have little faith and strength to go on, but you will find the courage to continue even when your strength is small. You only need faith as little as a mustard seed, and God will carry you through this time.
Talk to God, your Maker, about everything. Thank Him for the blessings you are aware of and pour your emotions out in prayer. He gives you the Holy Spirit as your Comforter during this time. When you are overwhelmed and don’t know what to think or pray, read your Bible. Let His Word be an anchor in this storm. Hold on to your faith with everything in you!
Although this journey is not easy, you are much stronger than you ever imagined. At the same time, you are not alone because I am just a phone call away. I can support you on your journey. You can make an online or in-person counselling appointment 24/7.
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Supporting A Loved One 101
Supporting a loved one who is ill is a new and precious part of your relationship. As you embark on a road trip to wholeness, you will grow with that person.
Your love and kindness are the most precious gifts you can give them every day. You don’t have to have answers. You don’t have to make stupid jokes to lighten up the atmosphere. You don’t need to throw a temper tantrum and question God’s existence.
Ask what they would like to talk about. Ask if you can pray with them or read for them. Ask if it is okay to be quiet together. Give little choices back. Create patches of normality.
Your love and kindness are the most precious gifts you can give in a numbing time riddled with pain and fear. There is no regret in kindness and sharing your love in this painful season.
If you feel helpless or stuck I invite you to contact me and make an online or in-person appointment today!
